Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
