she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
