i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
