How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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