I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
