I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
