you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My ass is underappreciated
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
