You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
