Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
