put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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