actually, I'm a sock model
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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