saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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