I just pynch a tree in the face
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
