you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
