Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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