season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
