Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize