um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
