Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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