Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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