that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
