if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
