New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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