i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
