girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
