shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
