can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
