Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
