Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
