I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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