you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
