Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
