I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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