just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
