hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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