Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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