I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
