eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize