his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
