Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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