i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize