The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
