got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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