I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
