i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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