she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize