quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
