I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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