we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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