I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize