If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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