i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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