im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
