I'm passing your future prison.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
