just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
