3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
