I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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