What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
