no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
