Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
