On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
