She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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