I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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